A note to my Squish

A note to my Squish

Hi Squish,

It has been two years since I wrote you your note telling you all of the things I prayed for you and all of the things we hoped and dreamed of in getting you here. It has been the joy of my life watching you grow these last two years!

I was right about a few things from that first note. You look exactly like your daddy. You have my eyes. You are impatient, I am impatient, and your poor daddy manages us both like a pro. You get hangry (me) and have to have a routine (your daddy.) You have your daddy’s sense of humor, quick wit, and hair.

Now, you’re about to become a big brother. This transition will be a big one for everyone but you, most likely. You are such a smart, sweet, easy-going boy. You care about everything and everyone. You are quick to snuggle when someone is upset and want to help everyone “stop cryin'” if they are sad.


I can’t wait to see you grow into the best big brother! I hope you learn some things along the way. I hope you learn how to fight, because it will teach you how to make up. I hope you learn that no matter what happens, you and your brother belong to one another, and I hope you learn to count on each other. I hope you learn that it is ok to not like someone all the time, but that love is not something that stops.

You may never know a time without your baby brother in your life. You likely won’t remember a single day of your first two years. I know I don’t remember much about life before your Uncle Heath came into the world. I want you to know that it has been so precious for us to get to have you all to ourselves these last two years. We will show you pictures and videos, and I am sure I will miss the times when you and I had Ryker and Mama time- just the two of us. I promise you’ll still get those Ryker and Mama dates.

You are the best gift we’ve ever been given and we hope that Asher is a gift we can give to you. A brother and a friend.

I love you, sweet boy!



We have a date.

We have a date.

Dear baby boy,

Today I am 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant. The midwives and doctors have decided that because of my gestational diabetes, if you don’t decide to make your own way, we will help you along on Monday, May 9th, 2016. Everyone thinks that having a “due date” is so exciting, but honestly, I’m a good bit nervous. I’m nervous for a few reasons, some obvious, and some not so obvious. I’m nervous because getting you here will not be without some pain. I’m nervous I might mess up, and I know I will! I hope I am a mama you are proud of, I’m sure going to try! Plus, you’ll learn having a plan is really not something that I’m good at in all cases, or at least not one that doesn’t change 3 times, so having a definite one- and one you get to control- is scary!

You’ll come to know that your daddy and I went through a lot to get to meet you. The loss of your siblings rocked us, made us rely on each other and God in ways we never knew we could, and made us question our faith and every decision we made. You can’t possibly know the number of people who have prayed for you to take your first breath since we announced that you were a little peanut with a heartbeat back in September!

I’ve been thinking in the last few weeks of things that I can’t wait for or am praying for for you. You started as a sweet little heartbeat, became a butterfly in my tummy, started to be a gentle nudge, and now you are a kicking, stretching, hiccuping little stranger. It is surreal to feel like I know you, but have never met you. I can’t wait to see exactly how much like your daddy you look. Every ultrasound we’ve had you have been laying like he was in his baby pictures. I can’t wait to count your fingers and toes, and kiss each one as I go. I have prayed for you every day since we learned you were growing inside me to be strong and healthy, and I will continue that prayer forever. I hope you have your daddy’s hair, sense of humor, and quick wit. I hope you have my eyes. I pray you become a man of God. I hope to “train you up in the way you should go.” I can’t wait to hear your cry, see your first smile, and hear your first giggle. I can’t wait to see your daddy with you. He is so excited to become a dad. At one point he asked if we could “Amazon Prime” you so we didn’t have to wait. You are such a blessed little boy.

Most of all I pray that you know how very wanted and loved you have been from the very beginning of your little life. We’ll have to learn from each other, and I’m sure if you’re like me, you’ll lose your patience, I’m sure I’ll lose mine, and poor Dad will just lose it. But, no matter what, I hope you know that I will always be there, I will always come running, and I will always love every little thing about you.

You are our greatest blessing and our something beautiful! See you soon, we have a date!

All my love,