“Julia, I’ve gotta go, we’ve got cows!”- Twister

“Julia, I’ve gotta go, we’ve got cows!”- Twister

Its been two months (and then some) since I’ve written anything here. It has been a tornado of epic proportions around here.

Ryker had an ER visit for a head wound and I had mastitis twice and strep once. Asher started gaining weight, but we were supplementing 2-4 ounces after each feeding, so we stopped breast feeding. I was “ok” with it. I cried a lot, but have made my peace since. We decided to put the house on the market. We’ve taken our first family road trip. I started back to work. I was “ok” with it. I have cried some. I imagine there will be some more tears. Ryker has started potty training. The last two months has been all. the. things.

Photos: Lindsey Simpkins Photography

Asher is sweet, easy-going, and has charmed us all. Ryker is the best big brother and gives hugs and kisses, shares his toys, and talks constantly about “his baby.” Watching their relationship grow and watching them interact is just as sweet as everyone said it would be. What no one explained in great detail is the shit show that is everything you try to do with a two-year-old and an infant. So for those who don’t know yet, I give you:

The steps to go to the store for 5 things.

Get two-year-old dressed. He doesn’t want the character Pull Up you have chosen. Manage a meltdown. Cue fussing baby. Explain to the toddler that you need to hurry so the baby doesn’t get sad. Toddler falls down leaving the bedroom in his socks and begins to scream as though someone has severed his leg. Comfort toddler. Toddler screaming insights baby screaming. Start the correct episode of Sesame Street after 3 failed choices to distract toddler. Pick baby up to calm him. Get puked on. Change baby. Stick your finger in poop. Dress baby, insert pacifier, place in Boppy within eyesight to begin getting dressed. Remember to wash hands (count this as a win.) Remove clothing, explain to toddler that everyone has boobies, insert pacifier. Put on pants. Explain to toddler that you don’t have a penis. Insert pacifier and shush. Put on bra. Insert pacifier and shush. Pull on shirt, pull up hair, and find flip flops. Pick up baby, insert pacifier, and shush. Brush your teeth and toddler’s teeth while bouncing infant. Place infant in one of the many “entertainer” seats. Cue screaming. Insert pacifier and shush. Race to find the “right” shoes for toddler and put them on. Baby has fallen asleep in entertainer. Gently pick him up, place him in carseat, and begin to strap him in. The “click” of the harness startles him awake. Cue crying. Grab purse, diaper bag, carrier, and drink for toddler. Open the door while bouncing the 50 lb carrier and say “Let’s go!” Use your most chipper voice. Try to remain chipper as the toddler declares, “I pooped!” Consider burning down your house. Open grocery app. Order 5 things, but add wine. Place order. Text husband for pickup. Remove baby from seat. Change toddler. Pick up baby, insert pacifier, and shush. Turn Sesame Street back on. Find your cold coffee. Try not to cry.

If that sounds terrifying, let me comfort you some. The next step is Ryker comes and kisses the baby, shares a toy, or says “It’s OK Asher,” when he’s crying because I’ve put him down to make lunch or go to the bathroom. Those moments make all of the crazy worth it. So, I may not get to physically go into a grocery store with my children for the next 3 years. Think of all the money I will save!

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I have bags under my eyes, I’m jittery from coffee, and I am thisclose to crying sometimes, but man I love these boys and watching them grow together and separately.

My goal is to try to write a couple of times a week to share our crazy, funny life with those of you who aren’t close enough to enjoy it in person. Hence the name “Chaos (them) and Curls (me)”

One thought on ““Julia, I’ve gotta go, we’ve got cows!”- Twister

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